Changes in Nature

June 29, 2017

I stopped at a sample cart in Costco the other day when I saw the sign for “Organic“ Gluten Free crackers. I asked the lady if this meant that I could no longer get inorganic crackers made from non-living matter, like rocks and sand? She just stared at me and then started to recite the evils of Monsanto, global warming and gluten. I explained that I was old, just in case she was blind and could not see that for herself, and then recited the definitions I was raised with:

or·gan·ic: ADJECTIVE – of, relating to, or derived from living matter: synonyms: living· live· animate· biological· biotic – (chemistry)

I explained what organic is, for we old folks who went to school in the good old days and have the illusion that if it grows it is organic. If it does not grow than it is inorganic or a mineral. So, why is good old-fashioned bread now classified as inorganic and why are things labeled organic or Gluten Free priced at twice the cost? I mean will a carrot purchased at Walmart kill me while one purchased at Whole Foods make me live forever?

You see this is quite confusing to we who lived before the invention of the organic movement and global warming and the discovery of gluten. My grandfather probably died of junk food poisoning at 97 years old. I wonder how long I might live if I stop eating regular food and wrapped my house in tinfoil to protect us from the changes in our weather, electronic waves and cosmic dust?

By the time I reach granddad’s age I am sure we will have discovered or invented all kind of new items that are killing us, rotting our brains and making life miserable. The possibilities are endless. I suppose that scientists will even catch up to the politically correct inventors of this stuff. I can imagine the legislation that punishes those evil farmers who produce tons of what we used to think of as organic materials and locks them up in a gluten free jail where they belong. Possibly my great grandkids will enjoy April 1st, which will no longer be April Fool’s Day but will be an international day of celebrating the end of cream puffs.

So, please don’t listen to me. I am too old to have a grip on reality. It appears to me that we are raising the prices on goods that are not the problem while we legalize marijuana, destroy moral imperatives and enjoy our intoxication gluten free.

Oh well. No one ever accused the human race of sanity. There is ample evidence to support that conclusion. And as far as I can see, April Fool’s day is a perfectly good holiday to celebrate human gullibility.